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I sometimes think about my little twig of manhood, stowed away in some medical waste dumping ground, sharing a secure polythene bag with swabs, bandages, liposuction fat and a dead foetus.Roger came to see me later in the day, once I'd finally recovered from the effects of the tranquilliser and the fit of hysterics I had suffered upon regaining full consciousness and memory. I was calm, my parents on either side of me, holding my hands. They had already been told, accepted the facts. It would take me many years to do the same. I had, said Roger, matter-of-factly the body of a perfectly normal mid-to-late Teenage girl. Externally and internally. I was perfectly capable of becoming pregnant. No vestige of my previous masculinity retained.Later now, after time to think. I sat up in bed, clad only in a flimsy hospital gown. My bedclothes were pulled up to my chin.'What about a sex change?'Roger looked sombre. 'It is an option Joseph. But you have to realise that the prognosis would not. A small feeble part of my mind more restrained and buried by the darkness rejoiced at this. I wanted him to be my only Master and have him use me but becoming a Doll was not what he wanted. My Master would not use a Doll, the body of a woman was not what he truly craved. The control and domination of a woman, the use of a slave like something from an Eastern fantasy.Reaching out into the darkness I grabbed onto the image of my Master and clutched it to my chest holding it more tightly then any of the other images before it. If there was anyone who could save me from the darkness I was floating in it was Master!Keeping my hold on the image I focused on the memories of my Master they were the only solid things in my mind. The Master was so kind, I had to beg him to use me and threaten to go to another master to get him to use me. His touches always so gentle in the beginning would turn into rough dominant gropes as he lost his self-control, and still the touch soft or rough would never.
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